Wow.
Where do I start to begin talking about these two topics?
First of all, many people say that you can’t
be gay or LBGT and still love God. To those of you who agree with this way of
thinking, I have one simple response—f*** you guys! In high school one of my greatest and deepest struggles was trying to be who I really wanted to be. I guess I was afraid of other people and what they were going to say; the friends that I could possibly lose along with the fear of losing my parents. Even though my parents always said “We’ll love you no matter what you are,” in my head I doubted them and questioned whether they were truly going to love me for who I was or whether or not they were going to treat me like some piece of s*** on the floor. I believe it is true that you really find your "true-self" in college. During my freshman year in college, in a woman’s studies class, we were assigned to write about our deepest secret. When this assignment was given to us I immediately thought in my head “Hell no! I am not telling anyone I am gay.” So I wrote a phony paper on some other deep secret. However, one of my classmates, who I am now close and great friends with, came out during class as a lesbian. This broke me down to tears because at that moment I thought, “If she could do it, why can’t I?” But even in that moment of revelation and her moment of bravery, I still did not have the courage to come out.
So I decided to go find answers in the church, which I initially thought was going to be a horrible idea in fear that I would be belittled because of who I was. I began seeking advice on what to do. There I met an older gay man who is a disciple at the church and who was on the same boat as I was when he was younger. So, we hanged out and he helped me come out to my friends and family. He asked me why I was afraid of coming out and I explained to him that since I was a child in school I’ve been called gay and that if I came out I wouldn't want to let those people know that they “won” in a way. I did not want to prove them right. He then told me that in actuality they weren’t winning because they just wanted to feel better about themselves. He taught me that allowing my thoughts of them “winning” defeated me. I was ultimately hurting myself because I had all this baggage on me that was affecting how I lived my life.
I share my story with you today because I know there are many other people like me who have to face situations or challenges in their lives where they feel alone, deserted, and lost. However, through my experiences I have learned that you are not alone. There are people that care.
I am one of those people.
Which is why I urge you to support this blog and hopefully you can get a lot of positivity, inspiration and love from it!
“The minute you think of giving up, think of the reason why you held on so long.”- Unknown
- Christian
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