My Hidden Identity

My Hidden Identity. 

I’m tired of living in a shell. Veiling my 

true identity with someone 
who is just there to please 
everyone else but myself. 
How do I break away from that 
without losing everyone that I love? 

In my parent's mind, and some 

of my friends, I shouldn’t have tattoos 
or piercings. I should wear dresses 
or skirts more often.  I shouldn’t play
sports. I should cook more often. 
I should wear my hair up. 
I should lose weight. 
I shouldn’t wear sneakers as often. 
I shouldn’t listen to rock or metal,  etc. 

It frustrates me because it’s like 

I’m being stripped of what 
makes me unique, of what 
makes me who I am. 
I’m tired of the ordinary. 
More importantly, 
I’m tired of pretending 
as if I'm ordinary. 
I feel like my whole life 
I’ve been trying to fill 
in the shoes of a perfectly 
traditional daughter who solely 
exists for everyone’s satisfaction 
except her own. I want my reflection 
to show who I am, and not who 
everyone else wants me to be. 

Is that too much to ask?

-­R.

Love

This one has no title

I've learned something these last few months. You can fall in love with the wrong person. You can believe that the person you’re absolutely in love with is the one for you, but then you find out they’re not. They’re not the person you thought they would be and they won’t fight for you when something big happens. They just allow it to happen and move on as if your relationship did not happen.

Then, you suffer through excruciating emotional distress thinking that you've lost everything you wanted and needed. You go through the worst days of your life thinking that nothing will be the same and that you've become worthless.

You sink into an indescribable depression, not sadness, but true depression. You begin to go to school not caring about how you look and you cry every night because you think you will never get “the love of your life back.” You put yourself through s*** because you think you deserve it.

But guess what? You don’t. In reality you gained the freedom to find the real person who will care and fight for you. A person who will not just move on the moment you do something incredibly stupid. The person who will fly miles away or drive a few minutes away to see you. They won’t deny you and that will be the right person for you. In reality, nothing was your fault. It may have seemed that way, but it wasn't. Sometimes relationships don’t work and no one is worth your suffering unless you are suffering together and are working through your problems.

So don’t cry and harm yourself over some boy or girl who you “lost”. They lost you and now you can find your Prince Charming or your beautiful princess. You've been given another chance at love, all you have to do I be yourself and wait for love to come to you. It will never be easy, nothing ever truly is, but if it’s worth fighting for within so many people then it’s worth waiting for as well.

- Ashley

Fitting In

Hey!!

Here is a video created by Gina. Within the video, Gina speaks about her life and how it was/is for her fitting in.

Please Watch and Enjoy!

https://docs.google.com/file/d/0BzOawQ1-D0sfaHZzT3ZWVnpub0E/edit

PS: The sound quality is a bit harsh, so we apologize for the inconvenience!!

- Gina
xoxoxoxo
- The Beauty and Strength Within

Using The Words Gay/Retarded

How do I feel about the words Gay and Retarded used in sentences?

It's mean and hurtful. Don't get me wrong, I am guilty for using the words. Typing up this post makes me really think about the use of the words. What makes something "gay" or "retarded"? Being wrong, broken, or not your "style".

What if I said "Oh my God, this computer is so 19 year old girl!" Okay that's a stupid example, but you get what I mean. We are taking a normal group of people and making them seem like its wrong being them.

First of all you are born retarded, so its NOT their fault. That also means that their is NOTHING wrong with them. Second of all, for personal reasons, I am a firm believer that a person is born homosexual instead of being introduced to the Fabulous Life :)

So saying that something is Gay or Retarded? NO. Get a dictionary and learn the proper term for saying that something isn't working for you, or not your style.

Stop discriminating, and yes I am talking to myself as well.

- Julie L.

This Is Me

This is Me

Sitting alone in a 

room, thinking "Why

is this happening to

me?" The voice of the

people mocking you

"Fat, ugly, Beast."

 

You cry yourself 

to sleep, wanting

to yell to your friend

"Help" but no sound 

comes out.

 

Your heart is aching 

like a poison drop

wanting to cure it

but time runs out.

- Maria

High Life

High Life Poem.

Let me just illustrate
A story of those who discriminate
Nothing left to imitate
Those who just assimilate
The ones that just anticipate
Originate, Reciprocate
The hate in which they indicate
People will never change
Instead they chose to arrange
All that hate, keeping us in chains
We try to get out of this mess
Get all full of stress
Away from success
A step away from depressed
Where's the progress?
There's nothing but oppression
Empty expressions
Useless regressions
Where's the world when aggression is in charge?
Where's the world when transgressions enlarge?
So let me tell you know, I don't imitate
I just simply originate
The lyrics to get you questioning your faith
Not in God, but in the world
Don't it make you want to hurl?
You get curled and twirled by a life with so many swirls
Never really knowing when to stop until you impregnate a girl
The ladies catching the guys hoping love is as precious as a pearl
Never knowing when to stop
Always hitting those Tabaco shops
Running to your famous corner spots
Wild'n out like you're flipping your bikini tops
Let's talk about getting wild, down the road it really leads
Doing shady things and other various unknowing deeds
Never really focused on what this road actually reads
Smoking all that weed
Only to conjure up the need
Making you all into little thieves
Never really seeing the munchies or fatigues
I'm spitting this rhyme for a dream I once dreamt
Different than the one M.L.K. did once present
But not too far cause we both had a dream, but my dream was to repent
And get rid of life's torment
Make positive words your only supplement
This world will never be your ally
Focused on seeing you die
Questioning your faith, leaving you to ask "Why?"
Undoubtedly getting high just to get by
It's easy just to stand by and let out one big sigh
But, before I go remember me as that good guy
Trying to get by with my own war and battle cry
So thereby, I love you too
But I don't deny this is the last goodbye I'll get from you.

- Amber S

Depression

Depression


If I had a nickel for every time I was made fun of for my weight, I'd be a millionaire. If I had a dime for every time I got depressed I'd have almost a trillion dollars.

It's not easy being the eldest in my family, a lot is being posted onto my shoulders and it sucks. I'm expected not to make errors; I'm expected to comply without fighting back. It's not me. It has nothing to do with what I want. Why can't my family be happy once I'm happy? Why do I have to follow their norms and once I don't comply why do they get mad? Why does it feel like I'm not wanted at home, and home doesn't feel like home?

These are all the questions (with some exceptions) that run through my head about 6 times a day. I've never tried self harm. I have on the other hand tried to commit suicide. I've tried it twice and each time I chicken out. I'm always wanting the easy way out and it hurts to think about it, but s*** feels like its not real. I know people reading this are thinking, "What's he blabbing about?". I'm tired of being depressed. I'm tired of hiding things from my parents;  I'm tired of not being me. Why do I have to worry about what they think? Is it 'cause I seek their approval? Sometimes it feels like I'm not good enough; What's my purpose? I'm so lost, and I can't find my way around.

I know many can relate, but please, if you're reading this, don't feel alone. I'm here suffering the same fate. If you're reading this, you're awesome. I know it's not much, but when I get compliments on days I'm depressed I feel like a king. So maybe that makes you feel awesome too. Well I'll leave you with happy thoughts, hopefully I added a day to your journey. It's been a long 19 years and I'm tired of feeling alone... Maybe you don't have to. Remember, you're awesome.

~ Your fellow traveler in this universe


- Joel

Scoliosis

Pain and Success

My story goes like this.....I was a happy child. In school not so much. I had a few friends, but some other classmates just loved making fun of me. I don't know if it was because of my height or the fact that I was born with Scoliosis, but I was still bullied. Other classmates excluded me from games, sitting with them, and they called me names.

It was very hard. I decided to not tell my parents or teachers because I wanted to try to cope with my pain. Other kids called hunchback, but that didn't stop me from doing good in school.  Sometimes it's good to ignore what other people say because in the end, you're the one that will do great in life.

They're going to feel some sort of guilt in the long-run.

- Karen

Sexuality and Religion

Sexuality and Religion

Wow. Where do I start to begin talking about these two topics?

First of all, many people say that you can’t be gay or LBGT and still love God. To those of you who agree with this way of thinking, I have one simple response—f*** you guys!


In high school one of my greatest and deepest struggles was trying to be who I really wanted to be. I guess I was afraid of other people and what they were going to say; the friends that I could possibly lose along with the fear of losing my parents. Even though my parents always said “We’ll love you no matter what you are,” in my head I doubted them and questioned whether they were truly going to love me for who I was or whether or not they were going to treat me like some piece of s*** on the floor. I believe it is true that you really find your "true-self" in college. During my freshman year in college, in a woman’s studies class, we were assigned to write about our deepest secret. When this assignment was given to us I immediately thought in my head “Hell no! I am not telling anyone I am gay.” So I wrote a phony paper on some other deep secret. However, one of my classmates, who I am now close and great friends with, came out during class as a lesbian. This broke me down to tears because at that moment I thought, “If she could do it, why can’t I?” But even in that moment of revelation and her moment of bravery, I still did not have the courage to come out.


So I decided to go find answers in the church, which I initially thought was going to be a horrible idea in fear that I would be belittled because of who I was.  I began seeking advice on what to do. There I met an older gay man who is a disciple at the church and who was on the same boat as I was when he was younger. So, we hanged out and he helped me come out to my friends and family.  He asked me why I was afraid of coming out and I explained to him that since I was a child in school I’ve been called gay and that if I came out I wouldn't want to let those people know that they “won” in a way.  I did not want to prove them right. He then told me that in actuality they weren’t winning because they just wanted to feel better about themselves. He taught me that allowing my thoughts of them “winning” defeated me. I was ultimately hurting myself because I had all this baggage on me that was affecting how I lived my life. 

I share my story with you today because I know there are many other people like me who have to face situations or challenges in their lives where they feel alone, deserted, and lost. However, through my experiences I have learned that you are not alone. There are people that care.

I am one of those people.

Which is why I urge you to support this blog and hopefully you can get a lot of positivity, inspiration and love from it!

“The minute you think of giving up, think of the reason why you held on so long.”- Unknown

- Christian

Bipolar Disorder & Psychosis

Being Depressed.

It's losing all your friends and gaining an enemy whom you have somehow fallen in love with because it became a part of you. The black shadow that follows you. The relationship to your bed  grows stronger than any relationship you have ever had and you forget who you are. It's a feeling that you can't just "brush off." You want to talk about it, but you don't. You constantly hear that you can't be sad because someone has it worse. But what about you? Crying to God, asking him why you? But the funny s*** is that you don't even remember believing in him. What is depression? It's a cold, a tumor, a parasite, a broken hand. You can't just get over it...

Living with Mania

Wanting to jump off a f****** building because I saw it in a movie and, yup, it looked cool! And buying a yacht because you always wanted one. Its having sex with everyone because, hell, they look great! Feeling like you are high every moment of everyday! Mania isn't being happy, it's dangerous. And honestly, I just rather be depressed.

I have Bipolar Disorder. I does not mean I am a monster, or a weirdo. It just means that I am really really happy, or really really sad. I dealt with it, so can you.

- Julie L.